... And the screen ordered me to observe the screen.

I understand the pains of the film industry. I really, really do. I know it's hard to "get a film out there", especially if it's a low budget picture, or if it doesn't have any big names attached to it. Then, of course, there is the ever-present dark cloud of piracy that constantly hangs above the heads of filmmakers and cinema-owners like a mysterious smell they're too polite to mention. It doesn't help that movie studios are asking for more and more from the theatres - in both profits and distribution (For instance, in order to be able to show Transformers 3: Versus Jason, you have to agree to show our newest hipstersploitation flick for a couple of weeks). This being said, I understand why people can be defensive of their films, and to be honest, I don't even blame them for slapping this in front of their feature.


However, what I do feel is silly is very generic ads, that simply tell me to watch movies. I'm sure everyone has seen at least one of these. They're an odd species because they aren't technically anti-piracy ads, they're more just... celebrations of film. Or, more specifically, celebrations of cinema. They're usually just compilations of coming attractions with a somewhat smug announcer saying something along the lines of "This summer, there's only one place to catch the adventure (Stallone face), the romance (Jennifer Aniston face), the laughs (Adam Sandler face or sometimes John Belushi face even though he's been dead for almost thirty years) and the fun (Latest Pixar movie face)". However, the ads seem somewhat... pointless. I can understand an anti-piracy spot, but simply telling me to watch movies? When I've already paid to see a movie? What's the real point - at least stick an anti-piracy message in there somewhere.

The thing is, this wouldn't transfer to any other medium. If you're reading a book, you don't expect to find a blank page halfway through with two words in the middle reading "Read Books". Can you imagine if Nintendo tried to do this? "Aren't video games fun!" Mario barks at you as you once again plummet into merciless darkness, as if he is mocking you. If placed in front of the wrong movies, these ads would be mocking, in all honesty. I think the final insult to any gentleman dragged to see Romantic Comedy #1342 (International title The Bounty Hunter) would be an ad telling them how much fun they're about to have.

I have no problem with cinema owners making sure I know that pirating films is bad, and that I get a dimished experience, but why not just come out and say that? Also, when I go to see Inception, don't make me watch clips from 27 Dresses, dangit.